The Perks of Being a Wallflower

En el viaje de vuelta a Buenos Aires, empecé y terminé de leer The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Las Ventajas De Ser Un Marginado es el título en castellano, aunque les recomiendo, a los que puedan y quieran, que lo lean en su idioma original) de Stephen Chbosky. Me atrapó tanto que no podía dejar de leerlo, en serio. Y como justo ayer estrenaron el trailer oficial de la película en los MTV Movie Awards, creo que ya era hora de decir lo que me pareció este librito tan particular.

No voy a hablar sobre la trama del libro, porque no quiero adelantársela a nadie, sino sobre lo que más me enganchó al libro en sí: ser un adolescente y no saber quién sos ni qué esperás hacer con tu vida. Amistad, amor, drogas, la escuela, inseguridad, la búsqueda de una identidad, etc. Si, todos estos son los típicos clichés a los que puede enfrentarse cualquier persona durante su adolescencia, pero la forma en la que son mostrados en el libro es atípica y distinta a cualquier otro libro o película que conozco que hable del tema. No voy a decir más que eso.

Ah, y que lo lean. 

(y escuchen las canciones que van nombrando a lo largo del libro, y déjense transportar más todavía a la tan adorada década de los 90's)

p e r d i d a

Ninguna de las piezas que forman el rompecabezas de este año encaja con las mías.

Será que yo no tengo que encajar en este año?

No paro de quedar a medio camino de todos los lugares a donde quiero dirigirme.

No encuentro montañas para escalar y superar, a mi alrededor solo crecen paredes gigantes de piedra que no puedo cruzar.

Y yo sólo quiero llegar al final, como lo hacía siempre.

Pero no encuentro de dónde más aferrarme para seguir sosteniéndome, y comienzo a perder el equilibrio.

Caeré o podré encontrar de nuevo mi camino?

Quizás me haga bien un descanso, reflexionar un poco las cosas, y ver qué cambios tengo que hacer en mi vida, porque claramente algo ya no está dándome los resultados que debería...

Shit Happens.

God, it's unbearable the amount of pain you can feel when something you wanted so badly is taken away from you.

Muy metida en esa cosa que llaman "vida".

Bueno, dejé medio olvidado a mi pobre blog...

Pero ya prometo volver, en serio.

Estuve ocupada 

empezando mi segundo año en la Universidad,

reencontrándome con amistades que habían quedado congeladas en el tiempo

y afianzando otras nuevas que surgieron hace poco,

leyendo (ya voy a hablar sobre cada libro),

escuchando música nueva

música que siempre había querido escuchar

y mi música de siempre,

editando fotos del viaje,

obsesionándome cada vez más con Pinterest,

viendo capítulos que me faltaban ver de mis series favoritas,

descubriendo nuevas series,

pensando,

cantando,

sintiendo,

v i v i e n d o .

Make things happen.

Yo creo fervientemente en esa teoría de que si uno canaliza todas sus energías positivas en algo que quiere, ese "algo" eventualmente termina sucediendo (y lo he comprobado en varias ocasiones), pero me parece que últimamente tengo mi antena mal ubicada, porque las energías se están disparando a cualquier dirección menos a la que necesito que se dirijan.

Hay algún service al que pueda llamar por ahí que me reacomode el sistema?

New York City.

Soñar durante tanto tiempo con vivir algo.

Imaginarte cómo se sentirá cuando pase.

Crear situaciones en tu mente.

Creerlas para apurar el tiempo y llegar ahí de una vez por todas.

Y entonces por fin vivirlo.

En carne propia.

Y que te recorra una electricidad desde los pies a la cabeza.

Y lo estás viviendo.

Eso que tanto querías.

Y no entendés que todo está pasando realmente.

Y que es todavía mejor a como te lo habías imaginado.

a l i v i o

Qué lindo que es llegar a ese punto en que podés ver a esa persona que antes lo era todo, pero todo para vos feliz con otra persona y poder sentirte bien por ellos. O cuando te acordás de algo que tiene que ver con él y ahí te das cuenta de que ya no pensás más en él, que por fin te lo lograste quitar de la cabeza. Es ahí cuando la última cicatriz que le quedaba a tu corazón se sana, y estás en serio lista para empezar de nuevo. E intentar de ver si esta vez si conseguís el final feliz que tanto venís buscando.

Al final era verdad eso que se dice de que   el tiempo cura.

Don't get attached.

Nada. Esos momentos a las altas horas de la madrugada que estás sensible y ves algo que no tenías por qué ver, y catapulta automáticamente todos tus sentimientos a la mierda.

Tengo que acordarme de no ver videos ni escuchar la música de The Last Five Years cuando me siento así. Las cosas nunca suelen terminar muy bien qué digamos. A menos de que maldecir al género masculino en su totalidad esté bien. 

Y bueno, ninguno me demuestra lo contrario, así que jódanse.

Por cierto, para los que se están preguntando qué carajo es The Last Five Years, aquí les dejo la canción con la que abre el show. Disfruten.

Obscure Questions.

• 1: What eye color do you find sexiest? Deep blue colored eyes.
• 2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha? Dark.
• 3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be? Hakuna Matata.
• 4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it? I grew up in the suburbs of a big town. Yeah, I still like it.
• 5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite) My godmother.
• 6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now? A "raspberry, passion fruit and peach" kind of smoothie.
• 7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years? God, no. I really can't talk about it.
• 8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years? When I got caught after pulling a prank. That sucked.
• 9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years? Right now I can't remember one, really!
• 10: Pirates or ninjas? Why? Ninjas. Because they're smooth as a motherfucker.
• 11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground? Nope.
• 12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set? Yes! In fact, I had a swing at my grandparent's house, so I would use it almost everyday, I loved it.
• 13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get? A beagle puppy. Or a black cat.
• 14: What's your most favorite part of your body? My lips.
• 15: What's your most favorite part of your personality? That I'm not afraid of being funny.
• 16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares? Both.
• 17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? No, only the half-time show.
• 18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk? No, although I've watched one hungover one time.
• 19: What's the most delicious food you've ever eaten in your life? Umph... now that's a tough one. I love food so much. Can I just say my favorite food is sushi and leave it there?
• 20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with? Neither.
• 21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?) Skim.
• 22: Which continents have you been on? Only one.
• 23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories? Yes, I get motion sickness all the time.
• 24: Backpacks or satchels? It depends, I like both.
• 25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants? I don't think so.
• 26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up? Peanuts! (Snoopy)
• 27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why? I'd be a pig, but only if I get to be a tea cup pig!
• 28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be? Paris.
• 29: Longest plane ride you've ever been on? I've never been on a plane.
• 30: The latest you've ever slept? Last night I went to sleep at 6am. right after I'd finished reading "Catching Fire".
• 31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free? It depends, I'd have to see it first... but I may.
• 32: Do you pick at scabs? Yes, I can't help it.
• 33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto? Da fuck?
• 34: How far can you throw a baseball? I don't think it'd go too far.
• 35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move? USA or England.
• 36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it? No, never tried any of those kinds of food.
• 37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why? I attend a liberal arts school which also happens to be a public university...
• 38: A relationship with love or one with sex? You can't have both?! I'd have to chose the first one, but only if making out, hugs and cuddling are on the table too.
• 39: Do you eat enough vegetables? Yes, I do.
• 40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers? I love horror movies. Not much of a thriller fan.
• 41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public? If it's unbearable, I try to.
• 42: Do you swear in front of your parents? Not as much as I normally do, but yes.
• 43: Coolest thing you've ever been for Halloween?
• 44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what? 
• 45: Do you want to get married? Have kids? I think so.
• 46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should. I do.
• 47: City or nature person? More of a city person.
• 48: Have you ever used something other than "makeup" as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?) I don't think so.
• 49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you're a guy? I'm a girl, and yes, I can.
• 50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY!
  a. I'm the funny girl (in the bizarre, crazy, nerdy, dirty minded, stupid yet at the same time witty kind of funny)
  b. I know almost every song lyric ever written. Okay, not that much, but pretty much.
  c. Okay, I'm bragging, and fuck off anyone who has a problem with this: I love singing, and I'm incredibly good at it. There, I said it.
  d. I can imitate many cartoon voices, specially from Disney movies, because I know the dialogues from almost all movies (yeah, I know, I've got a bit of a problem)
  e. I happen to love who I am (that counts as awesome too, google it). 

The Hunger Games

Por qué no empecé a leer la saga de The Hunger Games antes es una pregunta que jamás me voy a poder responder. Pero bueno, más vale tarde que nunca, no?

Si, empecé a leer el primer libro ayer a la noche y no pude parar desde entonces.

Si, no puedo esperar a ver la película este mismo fin de semana.

Si, estoy completa y estupidizadamente (existe esa palabra siquiera?) enamorada de Peeta Mellark.

And then I woke up.

Ayer soñé que estaba en un show, y que yo presentaba algo en ese show. No me acuerdo si cantaba o si actuaba or whatever, la cosa es que, cuando ya había terminado todo, alguien me dice que Julian Casablancas había estado viendo todo o que The Strokes había tocado en el show, una de otra. Cuestión que corrí como una desaforada detrás de escena a buscarlo, y lo encontré. Y me dio un abrazo y me dijo que era fan mío (?), y entonces yo, totalmente anonadada le exigí una prueba de todo esto, y me escribió todo en uno de los programas del show, todo con letras divertidas. Y me desperté. Al pedo le pedí todo, porque era todo un sueño.

Llegué a las 150 entradas.

Empezó el otoño.

En menos de cuatro semanas me voy a NYC.

Winter Wishlist.

y... se viene el invierno y hace falta alguien con quien compartirlo, no?

enchanted.

This is me praying that:

this was the very first page,

not where the storyline ends.

My thoughts will echo your name

until I see you again.

These are the words I held back

as I was leaving too soon:

I was enchanted to meet you.

TAYLOR SWIFT - ENCHANTED

My Neighbor Totoro

esta película me puede tanto, pero tanto tanto.

Oráculo.

That awkward creepy awesome moment when your horoscope starts to describe your exact situation and ends up giving you the best advice about what you should do next in order to succeed.

I mean, it basically told me what any normal person would have advised me to do, but when it comes from a source that can randomly talk about anything, and it so happens to land on what you're living right now, it's the voice of reason.
And I'm bound to follow its advice as if it was matter of life or death. Because it just proved right everyone that told me to do exactly that.
And what is it I must do? Nothing. Apparently, I've already done enough, now it's their turn to do something. The thing is, waiting fucking sucks. The uncertainty of not knowing if the other person will ever make a move is just eating me up inside.



I hate to wait for something that I can't control.

I hate your mixed signals.

I hate the fact that it's your turn to play.

I hate to wait for you to play.

I hate this game. (No, you don't. Right, I don't.)

I hate that deep down I know I don't hate this game.

I don't hate any of this actually.

I'm just upset.

So I'm counting on you then, horoscope.

You better not fuck this up.

Pretty please?

Good times for a change.

See, the luck I've had

can make a good man

turn bad.

So please, please, please

let me, let me, let me,

let me get what I want

this time.

Haven't had a dream in a long time;

see, the life I've had

can make a good man bad.

So for once in my life

let me get what I want.

Lord knows, it would be the first time.

Lord knows, it would be the first time.

THE SMITHS - PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT

Sometimes I wish I had a time machine.

Se puede repetir la semana pasada toda otra vez, por favor?



m a r z o

Loco, no pasaron ni cinco días y ya me estás demostrando lo bueno que va a estar este año.

No sé cómo vas a hacer para seguir sorprendiéndome tanto como hiciste en estos pocos días, Marzo.

Nada de cortarme ahora toda esta buena onda; que siga así, que siga así.

La racha va a seguir, esto es sólo el principio.

Juegos del Destino

Qué lindo que es cuando el destino juega a tu favor.
Y más todavía cuando no te la esperás.
Igual es típico que las cosas que querés que pasen

pasen así,

de sorpresa.

Entonces si al otro día todo tu mundo se viene abajo

todavía te queda algo que te haga sonreír.

♥

50

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Pipe.

2. Are you loud, outgoing or shy? Sometimes I really can be a little bit of all those three, but most of the times I'm just loud, like literally (and outgoing).

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Two old friends.

4. Are you easy to get along with? I guess so... I mean, unless you're an attention-seeking whore, or a fake, or just annoying, I get along with pretty much everyone.

5. Have you ever given up on someone, but then gone back to him or her? Yes, plenty of times, and I've also been disappointed right after I'd given them a second chance.

6. If you were drunk, would the person you like take care of you? I don't "like" anyone right now, at least not in that way, so I wouldn't know.

7. Do you think you'll be in a relationship two months from now? I don't know, I don't think I'll be in a formal relationship, but I'm totally open to date someone.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Like I said before, no one right now.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No, not at all.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My best friend.

11. What does your most recent text say? "Connect the cuts, connect the cuts."

12. How do you feel about abortion? I don't think it should be all-the-way legalized; I mean, it should only be used for special cases, like rapes, for example.

13. Do you like big crowds of people? No.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes.

15. What good thing happened this summer? I had plenty of time to figure out more stuff about me.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Ew, no.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I don't know.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I still talk to my first real crush, not to the first crush I've ever had.

19. Do you like bubble baths? I guess so.

20. Do you like your neighbors? I don't actually know them, so I don't really know what to answer.

21. What are your bad habits? I'm extremely lazy, I never do the dishes, I forget the things I have to do (this list could go on forever, so I'm going to stop it right here).

22. Where would you like to travel? New York City (and I'm going to do so in April!)

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes, my trust issue is that I have none, and that can be quite a problem sometimes.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Not actually having a daily routine.

25. What body part are you most uncomfortable with? My left boob is bigger that the right one, and it sucks.

26. What do you do when you wake up? Try to go back to sleep again.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Definitely darker, a ghost is darker than me.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My friends and family.

29. Have any of your ex's told you they regret breaking up? I don't have any ex's at all, so...

30. Do you ever want to get married? I think so.

31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? Hell yeah it is.

32. Which celebrities would you like having a threesome with? Darren Chris and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

33. Spell your name with your chin. agbex

34. Do you play sports? Not right now, but I used to. I had to drop out because this year I'm starting dance lessons.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV, I couldn't live without music.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing. That's why they're called "silences".

38. Do you think age matters in relationships? It depends.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Complot is my favorite store.

40. What do you want to do after high school? I've already finished high school, and I'm studying Dramatic Arts.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No, I don't believe that anymore.

42. If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean? Either that I'm in a bad mood or that I really have nothing to say.

43. Do you smile at strangers? Sometimes.

44. Trip to outter space of bottom of the ocean? Both freak the hell out of me, but I think I'd rather have a trip to outter space.

45. Do you want a roomate? I already have one, my younger sister.

46. What are you paranoid about? Right now? I guess death paranoys me a bit.

47. What was the meanest thing someone ever said to you? I don't remember, I try to forget that kind of things.

48. The nicest thing? That I really am a good person.

49. Have you done something recently you hope no one find out about? Not really.

50. What language do you want to learn? I think french would be interesting.

en el limbo

A veces está bueno desconectarse un poco de la gente que ves todos los días.
Es en ese vacío que te das cuenta si de verdad te importan tanto como parece

o si les importás tanto a ellos como creés.

Puede que las cosas si sean como las ves en la rutina.

o puede que no.