27.6.11

Sacada

Me saca de quicio cuando esas personas que no te bancás ni un poco por razones que sólo tu inconsciente conoce y que a la vez intentás lograr que te caigan bien porque lamentablemente forman parte de tu vida cotidiana asumen de repente que te conocen más que vos misma y creen que pueden juzgarte. 

Argh, quién mierda te pensás que sos?!
Y podés hablar de otras cosas además que de vos misma, eh; no te va a hacer mal y nos estarías me estarías haciendo un favor. Puede ser que siempre me tengo que encontrar con al menos una persona de este tipo en cualquier lugar a donde vaya? Hay una Sociedad de Pelotudas Anónimas y nunca me enteré?

Y te juro que intento que me caigas bien, pero es física y mentalmente imposible; me irradiás tanta mala onda que me agotás.

25.6.11

antaitld.

I have a fire in my fingers
and I want to believe in 
this, in me, in you and the
way your eyes burn when
you look at me and
remember why the world spins
and atoms collide
because of fate.

21.6.11

Number cien

Obligar a que la inspiración funcione voluntariamente no es tarea fácil; me la pasé días pensando acerca de qué podía escribir hoy, por el simple hecho de que quería subir específicamente hoy, 21 de Junio de 2011, una entrada. Empezó el invierno, y como siempre no tengo a nadie con quien aprovechar esas frías tardes nubladas para hacer cucharita, rodeados de frazadas, viendo películas, escuchando música charlando, o simplemente sintiendo el silencio y nuestra respiración. Hoy es el cumpleaños del hermoso Brandon Flowers, así que nada, feliz cumpleaños y te autodestruís, gracias por existir. 
Qué más? La facu está buenísima; díficil, pero me encanta. La gente que conocí, cada día se vuelve un poquito más importante, ocupa cada vez un lugar más grande en mi vida. Me sacan lo mejor y lo peor de mí, me hacen ver lo duro que es enfrentarte casi todos los días con vos misma. Con esa otra persona que vive dentro de tu inconsciente, que solo sale en los momentos críticos, y que al toque uno vuelve a enterrar en lo más profundo de su ser. Por qué es tan difícil aceptar lo que realmente nos pasa?
Y vos, vos siempre estás por ahí, ni en pedo pensás dejarme en paz por un tiempo, no? Bue, habló la que en verdad quiere eso. Por mí seguí revoloteando a mi alrededor para siempre, no creo que alguna vez me aburrás. Me vuelve loca que tengas cola de paja, porque ocultás las cosas igual que yo: detrás de susurros que pensás que el otro nunca llegó a escuchar. Habrás entendido de una vez por todas todo lo que me pasa? No quiero cantar victoria antes de tiempo, y tampoco creo que la cante en el caso de que sucediera algo entre nosotros. Como me dijo una persona que aprendí a querer mucho en tan poco tiempo, tengo que dejar de esperar tanto del resto, de las situaciones que implican a otras personas. Porque cuando uno no espera nada, se sorprende de lo que pueda llegar a pasar. En cambio, cuando esperás y no pasa nada, o pasa lo contrario a lo que esperabas, el pozo de desilusión en el que te hundís es tal que da miedo. No más expectativas, que pase lo que tenga que pasar.


Y con esta entrada llego a la número cien.

13.6.11

The Holiday.

Then, there's another kind of love: the cruellest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called "unrequited love". Of that I'm an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you're looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Year's Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back.
_________________________________________________________________
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
IRIS, THE HOLIDAY.

6.6.11

teenage years.

drama & fights. laughter & tears. breakups & makeups. it's rushing yourself to grow up, and then to realize you want your innocence back. it's hurting over someone else. it's getting drunk and having your best friends hold your hair back as you puke, then re-capping your night the next morning. it's jealousy & envy, rumours & gossip. it's wannabe sluts & church girls. it's getting knocked over again and again to the point where you question if you should just stay down. it's disappointment & lies. it's those nights when you want to BE alone but you don't want to FEEL alone. it's those knots in your stomach that make you want to cry. it's a fake smile that's been forced upon your face for so long people actually believe you're happy. it's getting backstabbed & feeling betrayed. it's hearing lie after lie so you learn to never trust anyone but yourself. it's the tears on your cheek that you want to be wiped away by one person, the person who made you cry on the first place. it's growing up & meeting new people. it's moving on within time, lots and lots of time. it's wishing bad things onto people out of anger. it's hoping for a happy future & wishing on 11:11. it's learning & discovering new things. it's to hurt yourself but still give it another try. it's to learn from the past mistakes & to laugh over someone you once cried over. it's getting stronger & becoming independent. it's seeing you can and that you actually are happy on your own. so what are teenage years? it's the realization that you're young, carefree and having fun. it's a whole future unfolding at your feet. so maybe it hurts a little bit, but hey, that's life. if things always went the way we wanted them to, we'd never appreciate them. don't listen to everything you hear & take chances, even if the risk is getting hurt. smile and mean it because in thirty years from now you're going to look back on those years you rushed through & all you'll want will be to get them back. -Alyssa Russo.