It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, and finally found - the somebody who
Could make me be true, and could make me be blue
And even be glad, just to be sad - thinking of you.
I can't believe how hard it hurts to let go. For so many years I've been slowly dying inside trying to get you out of my head, and I'm never really sure if I completely managed to. I mean, at first it seemed impossible. It felt as if something was taking a part from you away, a part you loved more than anything and thought it would never have to leave. And then, you begin to realize that you actually have to forget all those details that made your stomach's butterflies flutter all over, you have to forget the name that made you smile naturally, his hugs, his kisses, his smell, his smile, his look. But when you finally extract everything out of your system, that part of you he created, remains empty, and what are you supposed to do? You cheer up, be happy because you at last got over that "stupid crush" (you try to label it that way, but no one believes you, not one bit). Yeah, you go and party, do whatever you want, think about no one. Be carefree. Well, I actually did all that. In fact, I am now still happy because those depressive years came to an end. No more crying while no one is looking, no more of that dark and cold jealousy which was beginning to tear me apart. My heart was finally starting to heal, and I could have a clean slate of my life.
But what happens if you still feel that empty space crying over the top of its lungs that it's longing to be filled? If I could turn back in time, I'd only do it to know again what it felt to fall in love for the first time, find out how come I didn't turn my back on him even when I was sure it would all end bad. I guess that the sole knowledge that my life had sense gave me the strengh to believe anything was possible, although that wasn't true. Everyday I keep wishing and dreaming about finding someone again, someone who'll stay, if not forever then at least for some time. Who knows? One can have the greatest love of all times, but that doesn't mean it's meant to last forever.
I made a wish at 11:11pm tonight.